Papa John’s Delivers a Blind Date

(Unfortunately, this was an email submission. I was limited to 3900 characters, so I had to eliminate many of my most favorite adjectives. I still think I got my point across though. Enjoy!)

Dear Papa John,
I hope you don’t think me too forward for calling you Papa John; you seem so friendly in your commercials, I didn’t think you would mind. I am writing you about my recent experience in ordering delivery pizza from your establishment. Let me digress and tell you that I was first introduced to your company 12 years ago when I was living in Denver, CO. At the time I was a poor volunteer. We received a very modest stipend every other week, and by modest I mean that it was just about enough to cover an order of your cheesy bread. It was difficult to part with that money, but it sure was delicious when we did!

Now fast forward to 2013 where I find myself living in Cleveland, OH. I was thrilled to discover that there was a Papa John’s in my area that could deliver me a delicious trip down memory lane. I visited your website and decided to order your favorite pizza. The ordering process went smoothly, the pizza was delivered in a timely fashion, the driver was friendly, and you didn’t steal my credit card information and sell it to someone in Bangladesh to buy a new pair of shoes. All in all, I had a pretty good experience. So, you must be asking yourself, why the complaint email? I will tell you why.

As a conscientious citizen, I believe in recycling my cardboard. As a slightly lazy citizen, I don’t believe in recycling my cardboard every week; I stock pile it in the garage until I have a decent bit to take out. This evening as I was about to take the recycling to the curb, I noticed your pizza box. In two different places on the box was my address, name and (Gasp!) my phone number. To my horror, I realized that I was mere seconds away from giving this personal information over to my recycling man. I understand having my address on the box, as you are delivering the pizza to my house. Frankly, I am not concerned about the recycling man having my address, as he obviously already knows where I live. I understand having my name on the box, as you may wish to have your drivers address me by the formal, Ms. Erin when they deliver my pizza. I am also not concerned with the recycling man having my name, but my name AND my phone number? Goodness gracious! I hardly ever give out both of those things to the gentlemen who personally ask me for them after all, a young lady can never be too careful. And yet, here I was, about to hand them both over to a complete stranger.

I really hope that you aren’t thinking that I am a bit snobbish. To be fair, I don’t even know my recycling man (thus the reason I referred to him as a complete stranger). He tends to visit my house rather early in the morning and I tend to sleep in until I am absolutely forced to greet the day, so we have not yet had an occasion to meet. He could be a fine young gentleman who is well read and has a deep devotion to the third “R” in “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle”. For all I know, he could be my perfect match. Oh, would you just think of it! What if he is the “Fox Books” to my “Shop Around the Corner”? What if all this time we have been missing each other and your pizza box was the one thing that would finally bring us together? He would call me and say something like, “I found your name and number on the pizza box in your recycling and I couldn’t ‘wait 24 hours before calling you and saying, Hey, how about some coffee, or you know, drinks or dinner or a movie… for as long as we both shall live?” Then he would bring me daisies (they are the friendliest flower you know) and we would live happily ever after.

Wait a minute! What am I talking about? THAT is the ending to “You’ve Got Mail” and THIS is West Cleveland. Granted, it’s not East Cleveland, but it’s still Cleveland and I would rather not give my name and number to the recycling man. So please consider revising how much of your customer’s information you put on your delivery boxes; it would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Erin

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Steph Harris
    Mar 29, 2013 @ 17:03:01

    Blogs were made for you… 🙂 LOVE ❤

    Reply

  2. Jamie
    Apr 02, 2013 @ 17:51:57

    You know I can’t resist a solid You’ve Got Mail reference. Good one.

    Reply

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